Forgive or Fuggetaboudit

 

September 6, 2026, Saint Barnabas Lutheran Church, Howard Beach, Queens, N.Y.

“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If you are listened to, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If that person refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.  Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.  Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.  For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” - Matthew 18:15-20

I am fortunate enough to come from a family that often brings bible stories to life like medieval morality plays.

My grandfather and his brother, my Uncle Fred, lived in two stately farm houses separated by a narrow ribbon of grass. They hated each other and regarded the other’s property to be an evil pit that should never be traversed. As a boy I visited Uncle Fred at his barn every time we were in town, partly because he and Aunt Mae always welcomed me warmly, sometimes with cookies, and partly because I loved their old mangy German Shepherd, Shep. I presume members of my family never told Grandpa about my incursions into enemy territory and I was barely aware that my visits might have angered him.

I have no reason to believe Grandpa and Uncle Fred ever visited each other alone to point out the other’s grievous fault. And my family’s way of becoming witnesses to their brotherly spats was to form whispering conclaves to complain behind their backs.

“You know, Uncle Fred and Grandpa used to live in each other’s houses and one day they decided to trade,” I heard my father whisper to my mother. “No one knows why.”

“You know, Uncle Fred borrowed money from Grandpa to open a restaurant in Erie, Pennsylvania,” I heard Uncle Bob whisper to Cousin George. “The restaurant failed and Uncle Fred returned home without the money.”

“You know, Grandpa was the oldest of four siblings and some people think Grandpa did better than the others when their father’s will was probate,” Aunt Betty whispered in Uncle Bud’s ear.

None of these unfounded rumors sounded severe enough to generate lifelong enmity between the two old men, but I was a kid and there was s0 much about life I hadn’t figured out.

By the time I was a teenager the lingering competition between Grandpa and Uncle was their race to eternity.

Grandpa won the race and was laid out in a suit he never wore in a casket he would have thought too expensive. My teenage cousin Barbie and I were focused on a fly that alit on Grandpa’s nose and we didn’t hear the whispers that were swirling around us: 

“Where’s Fred?” “Is Fred here?” “Did Fred say he was coming?”

Barbie and I noticed that the fly had taken up permanent residence on Grandpa’s nose. “Remember how he’d whisk flies off his nose without waking up?” We both envisioned Grandpa reaching out of the casket to shoo the fly and we started laughing. We tried to hide it by lowering our heads but Aunt Lena noticed our shoulders shaking and thought we were crying. She came over and put her arms around us, which made it even harder t0 suppress our laughter and real tears dripped down our cheeks.

Then Uncle Fred walked in. 

All eyes turned to him and then, because my family believes it is impolite to stare, all eyes turned away. Uncle Fred nodded at a few people and walked over to the coffin.

He studied Grandpa’s remains for a few moments. (The fly was gone.) He turned away briefly to see if he was being noticed and turned again to Grandpa. He nodded. He harumphed. He turned sharply and walked out the door.

The whispers resumed immediately.

“Was that Fred?” “Was he crying?” “He wasn’t smiling was he?” Where did he go?”

Thus Grandpa and Uncle Fred brought life to this Gospel passage: “and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a gentile and a tax collector.” Of course, neither of them would have entered a church, and I suspect both of them wouldn’t mind being thought of as a gentile or tax collector. 

After mentioning tax collectors and gentiles, Jesus adds, “whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (18:18). This statement can be understood in several ways, three of which are especially compelling.

Professor Nicholas J. Shaser of Macalaster College in Saint Paul, Minn., offers some suggestions as to what Jesus mean when he says we will bind and loose on earth and in heaven.

First, because the language of binding and loosing appears in a discussion of sin and possible forgiveness (18:5), Matthew 18:18 may refer to sins being forgiven or retained. John’s Gospel offers a similar saying: “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20:23). This suggests that the fourth evangelist understood Matthew’s “binding” and “loosing” in terms of forgiving and retaining sins.

Second, Matthew’s saying may refer to the disciples’ authority to exclude and restore members of the church, a reading that fits the surrounding discussion in Matthew 18:15–20. Josephus, the first-century CE Jewish historian, describes the Pharisees of the first century BCE as “becoming administrators of everything—to banish and recall whom they want, to loose and bind” (Jewish War 1.111).3

Third, binding and loosing may refer to exorcism and authority over demons. Several Second Temple texts use the terms this way, including the account in which Raphael “bound” the demon Asmodeus and freed Sarah from demonic affliction (Tobit 8:3). The New Testament reflects similar usage when Satan is “bound” and “loosed” in Revelation 20:2–3, and when Luke describes a woman whom “Satan had bound” for 18 years before Jesus “loosed” her on the Sabbath (Luke 13:16).4 

Still, because Matthew 18:15–20 does not mention the devil or demons, the first two interpretations may be stronger.

The passage concludes by affirming God’s authority over church proceedings and Christ’s continuing presence with the gathered community. Jesus declares, “If two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them” (Matthew 18:19–20). 

Finally, we are reminded that although internal conflict is unavoidable, unity and fellowship and communication help sustain divine guidance and promote a forgiving spirit among believers.

And I must offer a shout-out to Grandpa and Uncle Fred by vividly showing us precisely how not to do it.